Mike Logan Private Eye
by AMDonahue
Summary: What if Logan was a private investigator in 1930s NYC and Falacci was his trusty, Girl Friday?Written in script format. please forgive if difficult to read.


Mike Logan – Private Eye

The Sexy Piece

AnneMarie Donahue & JanxAngel

Story: Mike Logan is a private investigator and his partner is Nola Falacci, a smart mouthed girl detective. They are sitting around their office when a sexy woman comes in. She's being blackmailed but doesn't know by whom. She has received a series of letters from a person saying they want money or they will publish the letters.

Cast Needed:

Logan - detective

Falacci - detective

Stacy Peters - client

Nick Wallace - informant

Morris – senator's old partner

Mrs. Hamish – secretary at Senator's office

Matt – blackmailer

Beth Hayworth – senator's last client

Senator Donald Peters – bad guy

Narrator

**LOGAN**

(Narrating): The name's Logan, Mike Logan. I'm a private eye in New York. I was on the force, but got sick of dragging the scum off the streets only to watch the lawyers shuffle them right back out. So I left, moved into a set of small rooms just off Times Square, hung a shingle and went into business for myself. A few years back I even got a partner, real mouthy dame, but she's smart and useful in a pinch.

FALACCI walks in.

**FALACCI**

Well, you're early. Be still my heart.

**LOGAN**

I know, I know, you're just dying to see me so you ran all the way here.

**FALACCI**

Don't flatter yourself. (Narrating) My name is Nola Falacci. My sisters are all either housewives or grade school teachers but I wanted to follow in my father's footsteps and become a cop. But frankly, typing just ain't my style. I'm a darned good detective and I'd never admit it to him, but so's Logan. And since he doesn't mind partnering with a lady, I figured it'd be a good career move.

**LOGAN**

Are you finished with the Goren case?

**FALACCI**

Yeah, the insurance company will be happy to find out that he was faking his injury.

**LOGAN**

Chasing people who cheat on their insurance claims and spouses. Is this the glamorous job you've always dreamed of?

**FALACCI**

Almost. I envisioned a somewhat different partner.

**LOGAN**

Oh?

**FALACCI**

Yeah, young, handsome, clever…

**LOGAN**

Oh stop, you're making me blush…

(A knock then, Door opens)

**STACY**

Am I interrupting?

**FALACCI**

No, please come in.

**LOGAN**

Yes, how can we help you miss… er?

**STACY**

Mrs. Peters, Stacy Peters.

**FALACCI**

As in Mrs. Senator Donald Peters?

**STACY**

He's my husband. Detectives… I need your help.

**LOGAN**

(Narrating): Mrs. Peters was a good fifteen years younger than her husband and they weren't exactly well matched. Peters was a short balding man who looked more at home behind an adding machine than on the society pages. Mrs. Peters, on the other hand, looked like she was made for it. She was all curves, she could walk into a funeral and even the corpse would take notice.

**FALACCI**

Would you like to sit down?

**STACY**

Yes, thank you. I'll come right to the point, detectives. I'm being blackmailed. I've received these letters for two weeks now. I'm supposed to pay but I can't.

**LOGAN**

Can I see them please? (PAUSE) Hmm. (Reading from note) I have proof of your past "transgressions" and furthermore I have your letters. I want $50,000 by the end of the month or the letters go to the press. (Asking Stacy) Do you know what letters they are talking about?

**STACY**

Yes. I can't have the press get these letters. It would ruin my husband's political career.

**FALACCI**

Yeah, and just imagine what the society column will say.

**STACY**

(Icily): Miss, you may not believe this, but I love my husband. I haven't always, but I do now. What's more I love what he wants to do for this city and for our state. He could help with unemployment, create new jobs.

**LOGAN**

That's all well and good, but what does this person have to hold over you?

**STACY**

A few years after I married my husband I made a very stupid mistake. There was a young man working in his office. We started a friendship. I began to think myself in love and I wrote him a few letters. My husband never knew and I broke it off before anything unforgivable happened, but if they got out, it would be very damaging to both of us.

**LOGAN**

So do you think this man is blackmailing you?

**STACY**

No, it can't be him.

**FALACCI**

Mrs. Peters, I'm sure you have a high opinion of him, but trust me, money makes a man do funny things…

**STACY**

No, it can't be him. That young man died five years ago.

**FALACCI**

Is there anyone else you can think of who might have a reason to blackmail you?

**LOGAN**

Or who could have gotten a hold of those letters? Anything you can tell us would be helpful.

**STACY**

(Insert answer)

**LOGAN**

Alright, Mrs. Peters. We'll take your case. We'll call you as soon as we have some more information.

**LOGAN**

(Narrating) After Mrs. Peters left we started by examining the only evidence our blackmailer gave us, the letter.

**LOGAN**

What do you make of it, Falacci?

**FALACCI**

Well, the paper's pretty fancy stuff, not the news rag we use. And the T's all seem to be off.

**LOGAN**

So what does that tell us?

**FALACCI**

Our blackmailer has excellent tastes in paper?

**LOGAN**

No. Our blackmailer works in some large office. The paper is watermarked on the back, which means it's an expensive stock. But the typewriter the blackmailer writes on is cheap, which means our blackmailer is not very high up on the office's food chain.

**FALACCI**

All that from this one little letter.

**LOGAN**

And I can even make coffee, but don't get any ideas. You're not my type.

**FALACCI**

And what type is that exactly? Lobotomized?

**LOGAN**

Can it, Falacci. Let's take a run downtown and visit Nick. Maybe he's got some information on what's going on.

**FALACCI**

I'm not a fan of Nick "Bagman" Wallace. He's a two-bit swindler who always seems to be just clear of the police. If you listen to things his way, he's an enterprising man who just prefers to work "behind the scenes." Really, he's a petty thief with delusions of grandeur and nothing more. But Logan was right; he would know what was going on if anyone would. Nick wasn't much of a hood, but he made a Grade-A nosey-parker.

**NICK**

Yeah, there's been some talk about Peters, but not on his wife. She's clean.

**LOGAN**

Don't waste my time! A dame like that can't be clean, it goes against the laws of nature.

**NICK**

All I know is that there was some talk about her husband.

**FALACCI**

The squeaky-clean senator? Logan, for the first time ever, Nicky here's got it wrong.

**NICK**

No, it was a couple of years back, before he was senator. Peters was a lawyer & he started a firm with his friend from college, Victor Morris. But something must have happened because Morris dropped him like a bad cold.

**FALACCI**

Any idea what happened?

**NICK**

No, it was very hushed up.

**LOGAN**

(Finishing his sentence): Which means it was big.

**LOGAN**

(Narrating) The Morris Law Firm was still in the same building but the sign had been changed to reflect the dissolution of the partnership.

**FALACCI**

Mr. Morris, we're here to ask about your last partner, Mr. Peters.

**MORRIS**

I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the last investigators. I can't prove anything, and therefore I've got nothing to say.

**LOGAN**

Let's take it back a few steps. What other investigators?

MORRIS

The young fellow who came around a few years back. He wanted to know all about the murder.

LOGAN

Murder?

MORRIS

Yes… (suspiciously) You're not with the city are you?

LOGAN

Never said I was. I'm a (emphasis) private investigator. I'd really like to know more about this murder. You can tell me, or I can hunt around making your life miserable…

MORRIS

There's no reason to get nasty. As I said I couldn't prove a thing. We had a young clerk in this firm, nice boy, very smart. One day he and Peters had an argument in his office. Very heated. I only heard a few bits of it. But it sounded to me like Peters thought the boy had broken a trust some how.

LOGAN

Can you remember anything they said, specifically?

MORRIS

Yes, Maxwell Smith, that's the clerk, said 'you know I would never do that.' Then Peters said, (pause), I can't recall perfectly, but something about, 'it was mine.'

LOGAN

Hmm. You had a suspicion though?

MORRIS

Well, have you seen Mrs. Peters?

LOGAN

Oh yeah. (clears throat)

FALACCI

You said you couldn't prove anything, what exactly were you trying to prove?

MORRIS

I believe that Peters killed Maxwell.

FALACCI

Is that why your partner left the firm?

**MORRIS**

Yes, to put it in your language, I muscled him out. He said he left to pursue politics. He took a job as an ADA with the city. Big pay cut I thought it was an odd choice, he could have gone to another firm. But then he was elected to office and I saw exactly where he was headed.

**LOGAN**

What was the last case he worked on before leaving?

**MORRIS**

(Thinking) I believe it was a divorce case. We only handle civil cases. Yes, I remember now, it was the Hayworth case. Wife made out pretty well thanks to Peters.

**FALACCI**

Hayworth as in…

**MORRIS**

Hayworth's department store. It was in the papers.

**LOGAN**

Yes, the husband was pretty sore about it. Losing half his business to his wife. Well, thank you for your time Mr. Morris. We'll show ourselves out.

**MORRIS**

Good day.

**FALACCI**

(Narrating): We got on the street and Mike had that look in his eyes that said he was thinking. It took all of his concentration so I waited until the wheels stopped turning and...

**LOGAN**

I'm thinking we should split up. I'm going over to the former Mrs. Hayworth's.

**FALACCI**

And where should I go?

**LOGAN**

I want you to go home and change. Something real schoolmarmish.

**FALACCI**

What are you thinking?

**LOGAN**

How are your typing skills?

**FALACCI**

I've never minded doing a little undercover work. It's one of the few perks that come with being a lady detective: No one ever sees you coming. So I went home, and traded in the holster and boots for a cardigan sweater, full skirt and a pair of flats. I pulled back my hair into a respectable, albeit boring, bun and hoofed it over to the senator's office.

**MRS**. **HAMISH**

Dearest, understand that we only hire girls with a general interest in helping the senator's campaign.

**FALACCI**

Yes, ma'am. I'm very interested in his policy on education.

**HAMISH**

Really? How inspired, a smart girl like you should be teaching.

**FALACCI**

Oh, I should dream that high.

**HAMISH**

Well, sit here. And I'm going to ask you to type up this letter. I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you. But I think you'll work out just fine.

**FALACCI**

Thanks. Oh, nice paper.

**HAMISH**

Oh yes. You don't send out important words on cheap paper. That's for those horrid pulps. Senator Peters is determined to get those off the streets.

**FALACCI**

(Under her breath): Yes, we don't want people reading.

_Types a bit_

**FALACCI**

Yup, the T is off just like in the letter, this is where our letter came from. So our blackmailer works pretty close to home.

**MATT**

Just so you know they look down on people talking to themselves. Are you new here?

**FALACCI**

I'm Anna.

**MATT**

Matt, nice to meet you.

**FALACCI**

Have you been here long?

**MATT**

Yeah, I've actually been with the Senator since he was just a lawyer.

**FALACCI**

Really? So you know all his deep dark secrets then?

**MATT**

Oh, yeah, real dark. He's a boy-scout. He thinks Bettie Page is a cook book.

**FALACCI**

(Laughs): Wow. How'd he end up with his wife then?

**MATT**

I guess sometimes nice guys finish first.

**FALACCI**

Maybe…

**MATT**

So are you another new secretary?

**FALACCI**

Yes, but I'm not sure if they're going to keep me, look at this letter.

**MATT**

Oh yeah, the lopsided T's, don't worry about it, that happens on all of these machines.

**FALACCI**

You think they'd have better machines to go with this nice paper.

**MATT**

Well, I guess you get what you pay for.

**FALACCI**

You certainly do. (Narrating) I left the afternoon for lunch and was not sorry to say that little "Anna Atkinson" changed back into a pumpkin after a corned-beef sandwich and a cold beer. Across town my partner was making nice with the Senator's last customer.

**BETH** **HAYWORTH**

I recall Mr. Peters. He did wonders for my self-esteem.

**LOGAN**

Exactly what do you mean, Ms. Uh?

**BETH**

Oh, call me Beth. When my husband decided that it was time to turn me in for a younger model he threatened to leave me with nothing. Mr. Peters made it clear that I would leave with what I deserved, if not more.

**LOGAN**

And you were happy with the outcome?

**BETH**

Very.

**LOGAN**

Have you had any contact with Mr. Peters?

**BETH**

Yes, he asked for a campaign contribution, which I was happy to give.

**LOGAN**

How much?

**BETH**

How happy was I?

**LOGAN**

No, how much did you donate?

**BETH**

$50,000.

**LOGAN**

Very generous of you.

**BETH**

I have a lot to be grateful for.

**LOGAN**

Does your husband hold a grudge?

**BETH**

Yes, against me and Peters. Max, my ex-husband, is supporting his opponent, of course. He actually had the gall to corner me at a fundraiser for the city last week.

**LOGAN**

What'd he say?

**BETH**

That my candidate wouldn't make it to office.

**LOGAN**

Did he say how?

**BETH**

Something about skeletons in the closet. Frankly I thought Max was just drunk, so I blew him off.

**LOGAN**

(Narrating): I left the townhouse and beat a path back to the office. Falacci was already there, waiting to compare notes.

**FALACCI**

So, I'll show you mine, if you show me yours? 

**LOGAN**

Shoot.

**FALACCI**

Our letter defiantly came from the campaign office; the paper and even the typewriter match the stock. Best of all, I made a friend.

**LOGAN**

A friend?

**FALACCI**

Yup, Matt Eames. He's been with the Senator since his lawyer days, and works in the office as an aide now.

**LOGAN**

Interesting.

**FALACCI**

How'd the ex-wife angle turn out?

**LOGAN**

Ah, that trail ran cold. The ex-Mrs. Hayworth made a generous donation, but nothing that couldn't be traced. Her ex said some interesting things, but it was probably the sauce talking more than his brains.

_(Phone rings)_

**LOGAN**

Logan/Falacci Investigations. (Pause) Mrs. Peters…(pause) Calm down, please speak slower. (pause) WHAT! Stay where you are and do NOT call the police. (hangs up) Stacey Peters just went to meet her blackmailer… and found him dead.

**FALACCI**

Why blackmailers always insist on meeting in sleazy motels is beyond me. If they were going to paid off with thousands of dollars, why not meet somewhere snazzy? Or at least somewhere that doesn't require a tetanus shot.

**LOGAN**

Who knows? Maybe they think it's a rule or something.

**FALACCI**

(Narrating) We found Stacy Peters sobbing on the edge of the cheap bed. She pointed to the bathroom and there was Matt Eames.

**LOGAN**

Well, here's our blackmailer.

**FALACCI**

Darn, and I was hoping just once I'd get a date out of him before we sent him to jail.

**LOGAN**

Falacci?

**FALACCI**

This is Matt Eames, the loyal worker and staff assistant of Senator Peters.

**LOGAN**

Not anymore. (Pause) Mrs. Peters. Could you tell us what happened?

**STACY**

(upset, talking and trying not to cry more)

I got a message to the house, that I was to meet the blackmailer here. I-I was to bring the money and I could get my letters back. But when I arrived he was, he was… Oh God he was dead!

**LOGAN**

Did you bring the message?

**STACY**

Y-Yes, here it is.

**LOGAN**

I thought so. Falacci, you want to see this.

**FALACCI**

"Bring the money today, I'm willing to sell." This note was sent to S. Peters. Oh my God.

**LOGAN**

Yup.

**STACY**

What?

**LOGAN**

Mrs. Peters, could you call your husband and ask him to meet us at your home?

**STACY**

Certainly, but what's going on?

**LOGAN**

Nothing. We just solved this case.

**FALACCI**

(Narrating) It was pretty obvious that Stacy had received a message meant for someone else, but even I didn't see it coming. We beat a path to her house after calling the cops to meet us. They nearly beat us there. Logan was happy to have something to rub in Detective Goren's face again.

**LOGAN**

Mrs. Peters thought this blackmail note was for her, but she was wrong… wasn't she Senator?

**SENATOR**

I don't know what you could mean.

**LOGAN**

Mrs. Peters wasn't being blackmailed, you were. This note was meant for you, and I suspect you had been paying off your blackmailer for a long time. Matt Eames found out about your secret and he had you set him up with a cushy job and a steady supply of funds.

**SENATOR**

Mr. Eames is a good employee. Of course I would take him with me when I moved to the DA's office and then to the Senate.

**LOGAN**

Or, maybe you brought him in because he knew you killed Maxwell Smith.

**STACY**

Donald! Is this true?

**SENATOR**

I couldn't handle it! I knew you had slept with him. How could you do this to me? I was so outraged, I followed him home and I killed him. But I never knew that Matt had followed me.

**STACY**

But Donald, I never slept with him. I love you! I could never have cheated on you!

**FALACCI**

Matt saw the entire thing, and he blackmailed you with it. That's why you killed him too.

**SENATOR**

Yes! I knew he'd never stop! When Matt told me he wanted to meet outside the office for yet another payoff, I saw my chance. I took my gun with me and made sure to end it. I had no choice!

**GOREN**

Alright, Senator, I think it's better if we finish this down at One Police Plaza. Let's go.

**FALACCI**

So all this time, Mrs. Peters was never being blackmailed.

**LOGAN**

That's why I never read anyone else's mail.

**NARRATOR**

Law and Order Criminal Intent and all its characters are owned by Dick Wolf. Please don't sue us.


End file.
